Bugs and the Crazed Martian
by glnn bck
Summary: This story is formatted as an old Looney Tunes short.


A/N: Just for a head's up. I own no characters except Marina the Martian. Marina looks just like Marvin the Martian, except she has a female figure, instead of a brush, she has two angel wings(on her head) her skirt looks like a normal skirt except it's metal and golden, and her armor is golden, not green. OK that's all.

It was a nice day in Warner Town. The birds were chirping. The air was fresh. And Warner town was in grave danger… Well, not really since Bugs Bunny always saves this town from dangers. But anyways… A lone female Martian by the name of Marina was watching the peaceful town with happy adults and children.

"Ugh, these earthlings make me sick." She said as she hid behind a bush, "Look at that! They're letting their own offspring play in the wide open. A criminal might come and strangle them or something. It doesn't matter now though because I WILL TAKE OVER THIS REJECT PLANET!"

She laughed evilly and took out a ridiculously over sized mega phone.

"All of earth! Bow down before me! Because I have…" She said as she reached in her pocket for something, "A RAY GUN! MU HA HA HA!"

But everybody kept going on with their day, seeming to ignore her. She got confused after this.

"Why aren't they cowering in fear?" She asked herself then she looked towards you, "I thought the ray gun bit would surely work…"

Just then a random black duck came and was screaming, "WOO HOO! WOO HOO! WOO HOO!" His strange behavior seemed to have disgusted the Martian. He then saw her and growled with a smile. He then zipped up to her, surprising her as well.

"Hey babe. Where are you from?" He asked with a grin.

She then stomped on his foot, punched his beak and kicked him onto the street.

"Okay okay. I get it. You wanna stay single? Fine with me." He said as he walked away.

"Stupid Earth poultry." She said as she started to think, "How am I going to get these people to surrender? Hmm…"

Then a glow stick appeared above her head, showing that she had an idea.

"That's it!" She said, "I'll get one of their most important creatures and hold him/her for ransom. I give them their creature and they give me control of their planet! Heh heh heh…"

Hey Bugs Bunny!"

"Bugs! My man!"

"Hey everybody." Said Bugs as he was walking down the sidewalks of the city.

He was unaware though that a certain Martian was watching him from inside a bush.

"He seems pretty important. I'll just follow him to see where he lives." Said Marina as she giggled and started to poorly sneak behind Bugs.

Up high on a window sill was a cage with a yellow bird in it. He was peacefully swinging on his little swing. But then he stopped because he thought he saw a bush scooting down the sidewalk below. He then looked at you.

"I tot I saw a walking bush." He said as he checked again, "I DID! I did see a walking bush!"

"Ah… I had such a long day at work. It's good to be back home." Said Bugs Bunny as he jumped in his rabbit hole.

"Finally." Said Marina as she came out from the bush, "Now it's time to act."

She came up to the rabbit hole and stuck her ray gun inside it.

"Come out right now earthling! You're coming with me!" She said.

A gray rabbit ear came out and pulled the gun right out of her hands. The Martian became very angry after he did that.

"Give me back my ray gun!" She said as she stuck her head down the hole.

A "WHAM!" Was then heard and Marina lifted her head out of the hole, showing the gun stuck to her face. She struggled and groaned as she tried to pull the gun out from her face. With great effort she finally got it out but she was furious.

"Get out of there you NO GOOD! DIRTY ROTTEN!" She yelled.

"Watch it lady! Them's fightin' words!" Said Bugs as he quickly zipped out of the hole.

"Heck Yeah! Those are fighting words!" She said back.

"That's it! I'm drawing the line!" He said as he took out a marker and drew a line in front of Marina.

Marina rolled her eyes.

"You fool. I can step across your puny line!" She said as she stepped across it.

Bugs was a bit shocked at this but smirked as he got an idea.

"Alright Missy! I dare you to step across this line!" He said as he drew another line.

"I'm stepping." Said Marina.

And she did.

"Then I dare you to cross this line!" Said Bugs as he drew yet another line.

This time, Marina stepped over it without saying a word.

They kept on doing that until they were nearing a cliff. But Marina didn't notice.

"This one! That one! This one! I dare you to step across this line." Said Bugs as he drew a line right on the edge of a cliff.

Marina huffed and stepped over it. She then felt as if the ground disappeared. She looked below her and saw the ocean way down below. Realizing that the rabbit tricked her, she looked towards you.

"Dang…" She said.

She then fell down and made a huge splash in the water. When she poked her head out of the water, there was a fish in her mouth. Wait a minute… Does she even have a mouth? Well the fish was in her face. She spit it out and growled in anger.

"He is oh so very irritating." She said, "Who cares about taking him hostage? I'm just going to destroy him. Because THIS is personal."

Marina was in her lab, making some type of liquid while wearing nerdy safety goggles.

"This ought to take care of that rabbit." She said while pouring the liquid into a gun.

She looked around the room and saw a flower and smiled evilly. She shot at the flower and it hardened and turned gray. She then looked at you.

"One of my greatest inventions! The Acme Stonafier!" She said, "It turns whatever it shoots into stone… Either that or it colors everything a stony gray. Oh, well."

"Whoo… I'm glad that space lady is gone." Said Bugs as he was walking in the forest, "She was such a moroon."

"Who's a moroon?" Asked a very familiar voice.

"Ah, What's up Doc.?" Said Bugs, nervously.

"The name's Marina." She said threateningly as she pointed her gun at him.

"Hey, nice toy." Laughed Bugs, "Did your mom get it for ya?"

"No." Said Marina, not understanding his insult, "But it seems that you don't know the power this has. How about I give you a little test?"

She aimed her gun at a tree and shot it. Surely enough, the tree turned to stone. Bugs eyes widened in fear. He was actually scared right now. He had to think of something fast.

"Have anything to say before you're permanently a statue?" She said as she aimed her gun at Bugs.

"Yes." He said, "I just wanted to tell you how much your eyes sparkled."

"Huh?" She questioned, lowering her gun a bit.

"And your hair." He said while brushing the wings on her helmet, "It's beautiful."

"Wow… I never knew you thought of me like that." She said while holding the gun behind her and kicking the ground under her.

"Let's put our differences aside, okay?" He said.

He grabbed her face and pulled her into a kiss that was quite comical.

A/N: He kissed her the same way he kisses Elmer Fudd, occasionally.

Marina then got a line of blush along her cheeks. Bugs quickly gave her flowers. She giggled and sweetly smelled them. He then got on his knees and brought out a small black box. When he opened it, there was a diamond ring in it. Marina's whole head became bright red and she giggled uncontrollably.

"Well, what do you say, Marina?" He asked with his eyes lowered.

"I say…" She said smoothly while playing with his ear, "DIE RABBIT!"

She quickly got out her gun and aimed it at Bugs. She then looked at you.

"What?" She asked, "I can't let love interfere with my genius."

"Now wait a darn minute there, sweet cheeks!" Said an angry Bugs Bunny, "I gave you all of my love. Then I bought you an engagement ring that cost me 10,000$! And this is how you thank me? Hmph!"

He grabbed her gun and threw it against a tree. Marina then gasped.

"My baby!" She cried as she ran over to the gun.

She checked all over the gun and eventually found a small dent on it's side.

"Is there a doctor in the house?" She asked while she was on the verge of tears.

"I'm a doctor!" Said a random silhouette that came on the screen.

"Hey what's the big idea?" Yelled Marina to the man, "We don't break the fourth wall here mister! And cartoons aren't featured in theatres any more so THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"

"Fine…" Said the silhouette as he sat back down.

Marina then began to cry hysterically over her broken invention. Then a taxi zipped right next to her and a rabbit in a suit (obviously Bugs Bunny) stepped out.

"Oh, you poor darling." He said, over acting it, "Let's take your ray gun to the hospital."

The rabbit then gently set the gun in the passenger seat. Then he stuffed Marina in the trunk. The taxi then zipped off towards the hospital.

Marina stood over a hospital bed, crying over her invention. Then a doctor (Also obviously Bugs Bunny) Came with a serious frown.

"Is he going to be alright doctor?" Marina innocently asked.

"I'm afraid," Said the doctor as he wiped her tears with a handkerchief, "That there is nothing I can do."

Marina then began to sob hysterically again. The doctor then zipped away and Bugs came into the room.

"I'm sorry that this happened, doc." He said.

"YOU! Look at what you've done to my baby!" She cried.

"Look, if I fix him, will you forgive me?" He asked.

"Yes. But you can never fix him!" She cried again.

Bugs Bunny zipped away and the doctor came back.

"Let's give the boy a chance, we have nothing to lose." Said the doctor as he patted her back.

"Oh, all right…" She said.

The doctor zipped away and Bugs zipped back in and stood by the hospital bed. He held up the gun and blew in it until the dent popped back to normal.

A/N: Do you know how when you crush an empty water bottle and then you blow really hard into it, it pops back to normal? Well That's what he did with her gun.

Marina gasped and clutched the gun close to her.

"Oh Bugs! You are my hero!" Said marina with tears of joy.

She grabbed his face and kissed him like he did to her earlier. His whole head turned bright red and he got embarrassed.

"Aww, it was notin'." He said.

"How can I repay you?" She asked eagerly.

"Aww, you don't need to repay me." He answered, "But if you have the time…"

Inside Bugs Bunny's room, there were barrel-fulls of carrots everywhere. Marina was bringing another one in.

"Well, that's the last of them, Bugs." She said, "Tell me if you need anything else."

She winked at him and left.

"Ya know folks?" He said, "She might not be bad after all."

Right when he took a bight of his carrot, it exploded and burnt him to a crisp.

"Then again…"

The looney tunes theme played as porky appeared.

"Ade ada badee that's all-"

"BAM!" Porky was then turned to stone and Marina appeared on the screen.

"That's all folks!" She said.


End file.
